My Thoughts on the Christmas Season

It has been a busy season for the Tennants. We have driven countless miles to see family and celebrate the holidays over the last month. We've gotten to see all of our families for both Thanksgiving and Christmas and Elwood got to celebrate his first holidays with everyone.

It's been such fun, special time for my sweet baby to experience this season.

In the midst of celebration I found myself getting so caught up in the logistics and timing and how things should look rather than my heart.

I feel like I missed out on God's blessings because I was so busy making sure we saw everyone, got the right gifts, and got to everything on time.

Ben, Elwood, and I spent Christmas morning in bed reading the book of Luke's account of Jesus' birth.

It was refreshing to open God's word as a family. Something that we don't get to do as often as I'd like. I'm making it my goal and resolution for 2013 for the following things:

1. Spend more time with family with no strings attached.

2. Open the Word as a family every day.

3. Say "no" more often. (We are WAY too busy.)

4. Spend more time in nourishing relationships.

5. Take time to grow spiritually, physically, and emotionally more healthy.

6. Invest in deeply rooted relationships with other women.

7. Take a beach vacation!

And lastly, to blog more often. To put more of my thoughts together and explore different avenues of writing.

Until next year...

A Heart of Thankfulness

I'm sitting downstairs with a beautiful Christmas tree lit on a rainy Monday and my sweet baby has been snoozing for 2+ hours.

I am overwhelmed with thankfulness. Being in the midst of a tough church season, a busy family schedule, and financial strain, God has blown me away with His incredible provision.

He has stunned me with His promises -- renewing my faith each day.

It's easy to get caught up in the "storm" of life. In the little things that swirl in our heads when we lay down at night -- keeping us awake. Keeping us from seeing true reality -- the world through God's eyes.

I desire compassion. The kind of compassion Jesus has. Compassion that confronts issues head on with love and humility. With grace and truth.

I wonder what it would really look like for me to see and treat others & myself the way God does. I would never doubt my mothering abilities. I wouldn't look twice in the mirror before I leave the house. I wouldn't think over what I'm going to say one hundred times before confronting an issue. I would never see myself as a failure.

How would my world change if I saw others the way God does? I wouldn't judge others. I wouldn't compare. I wouldn't desire what others have -- knowing that God has me right where He wants me. And I definitely would not speak harsh words to anyone if I saw them how Jesus does.

God, cleanse my heart. Forgive and help my unbelief. Teach me to put myself in the grave and to live fully in your Spirit.

Hallelujah!

Love to Life

It's 3:15am and I haven't slept at all yet.

I couldn't sleep and conveniently neither could Elwood. He's been up every hour or so wanting to be held and poor thing has a cold that he's fighting and he just doesn't feel well.

So I finally get frustrated that I can't sleep so I come downstairs and do the dishes. Yes, at 3am I'm downstairs scrubbing pots and pans and loading the dishwasher. And as I'm doing this, Elwood is crying upstairs. I run up and grab him and we rock.

We rocked in his room and the closer I held him, the more calm he got. For about fifteen minutes he just stared at me. He used his hands to feel my face and look in my eyes. *This one of those mama moments you never forget.

After about thirty minutes he finally gives in and lays his head on my chest. And I hum a lullaby until he falls asleep. But as I hum I can't help but get teary eyed just looking at my beautiful son who sweetly needs his mama tonight for reasons I can only guess.

I crept downstairs and decided I was going to catch up on my reading and blogs that I follow. Tammie Head is an amazing woman of God that has written a bible study and speaks around the country. I read her blog often and tonight I sat down to read her latest post (found here).

Can Jesus handle your pain? Tammie answers absolutely.

I love the point she makes that the modern church tends to glaze over pain and tell us that Jesus conquers it and that we can live victoriously in Him. (Which is true!)

But then she says what I know God really means -- 

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” -Matthew 11:28-30

Crawl into the lap of Jesus and let Him LOVE you to life. What sweet words from our Savior. He desires to love us deeply, not just skip all the details. He wants to know everything. He wants to heal every part of us.

This encouraged me so much as a reminder that as I rocked my son who I love more than I can even describe in the middle of the night; Jesus desires to do the same with my soul.

So I'm downstairs with a cup of hot tea at 3:30am letting the Lord love on me.

Let Him love you to life. What a sweet, precious, intimate, and holy God I love that will sit and be with me.

Tonight I'm thankful.

A Day of Remembrance

Two years ago we say goodbye to Aiden.

Our hearts sank to the lowest it will ever be and we said our final goodbyes to our baby here on Earth. Time stood still as we grieve the most horrible thing anyone ever could -- losing our child.

I wish I could say that two years later we have all the answers and that we have peace. But there is no peace in death on this Earth; only in Heaven.

So today we grieve as we do every day -- missing our son and wishing we had more time with him.

We are blessed by the outpour of support and love. Thank you to everyone who has reached out to us.

Today we grieve.

Today we remember.

Today we stand broken, yet redeemed.

{The Lord is close the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. -Psalm 34:18}