Daddy Diaries: Running Behind

I don't know what's happened to me over the past few years, but I've become that notoriously late person. That's not always how it's been, though. I was a band kid. I had the philosophy of "If you're not early, you're late." I don't know what has happened. Although I haven't technically been late to work, I haven't been able to consistently get in before 8:10 in like 2 months. It's not that I've just got too much to do, but it's just hard to get out of the house.

When I think about why I'm late, it's really a mixture of things. I mean, it's partly the fact that I hate leaving Amy at home and that I don't wake up quite as early as I would like. However, the biggest thing is that I've been feeling so tired lately. I just don't feel like waking up sometimes. I never feel like I've gotten enough sleep, even though I get between 7 and 8 hours a night. I think it's just the aftermath of a few weeks without a break. Amy and I have had a lot going on in the past several weeks. Not that it was bad stuff by any means, but we just haven't had a lot of down time. However, I don't think that's the main reason.

I believe it's been more of the fact that during this time of extra stress, instead of spending extra time in peaceful meditation and prayer, I've been seeking stress relief through online games, movies, and pretty much anything that distracts me. I've just been so plugged in to the world lately and I haven't taken time to unwind and seek out God. I don't say that as if I gain righteousness from spending time in prayer, but I do believe that the word of God is bread for our souls. I believe that without spending time praying and meditating on the truths of God, we can't live a full and healthy lives.

It's not only our bread, but it's our armor, too (Ephesians 6:13-18). When we're not taking time to sit in God's presence, we're leaving ourselves both weak and vulnerable, open to any attack. For me, during these stressful times, Satan really drives the dagger into my side when it comes to self-pity. When I'm feeling tired and stressed, it's so easy to go there. What's worse, the self pity is like a bleeding wound. The longer I hold onto it, the more tired and stressed I become. This opens me up to worry and various other non-fruitful tendencies.

So, what do I do to combat it? Relax. I take some time to be quiet and remember my freedom in Christ. I take time to bask in his truth. For instance, one night last week, I was having a pretty rough night until I simply brewed a cup of tea and spent the better part of the evening sitting on the front porch without music, tv, games, or internet. I listened to the sound of the birds. I soaked in the praises that creation was lifting up to God around me. I joined in in my heart. It was glorious.

I think this is the hardest part when we fall into these times of attack. We find ourselves trying to grow close to God by doing things. Though disciplines are a good way to maintain a healthy life, we have to remember that we're on the vine system. He is the vine and we are the branches. We produce fruit by being attached to Him. It doesn't work in reverse. We don't get attached to him by producing fruit. So, all we have to "do," is just take a step back, and enjoy Him and all that He has done for us. When we start to really remember that we are his children and find our identity in him, then the Spirit will start to move and stir within us and produce the works. That is when we will start to desire to seek out His words and will in our life.

Anyways, that's enough random rambling for tonight. Hope you all have a wonderful week and I will see you next month!

Daddy Diaries: Lifetime of Luster

I know it's cliche, but ever since my son passed away, I've found myself extremely sensitive to how fickle human beings are. Things are going "out of style" all of the time. Our culture is obsessed with always having the newest, nicest thing. Yes, there are classics, but how often do we find ourselves judging a business, or a person by their outdated look?

I had always heard this and I always assumed it was true. However, it never really rang home to me until I started trying to keep up with things. I started buying plaid and flannel shirts, v-neck tees, cardigans, and even bought a new MacBook Pro. These things are great and nice and I genuinely enjoy having them. However, I started thinking, "How long is it going to be before these things are out of style?" I mean, my brand-new MacBook will be a whole operating system behind by fall. I don't even have a Thunderbolt connection. I love my wintertime lumberjack look, but when is that going to be old hat? I even found myself walking into a brand new building at one of our clients at work and wondering what the lifespan of its luster would be. The floor was a gorgeous dark mahogany stained concrete. Nice, shiny wood tones. All of the furniture was rich, wood-grained material with clean lines. The walls were bathed in beautiful earth tones. Then, I thought "I wonder if this was how people used to feel about wood paneled walls in houses?" At one point, the things we consider tacky and overdone were great, cutting edge designs. It's exhausting.

No wonder so many people in our culture feel burned out and stressed. Our lives are a whirlwind of change and innovation. There is constantly something new, something irresistible. Our "things" have a lifespan of about 30 seconds. Then, something better comes out and we're just not happy until we get it. When will all of this end? It's no wonder that pollution is such a problem.

Think about how many clothes you have in your closet, or how many clothes have moved their way through your closet. I think back to when I was living in Peru. I brought one duffel bag of clothes with me for three months. I was pretty proud of myself for being humble (irony) and conservative. However, there were people in Cora Cora who were amazed at how many clothes I had. Why do we need so much? I mean really. I'm exhausted of trying to stay trendy and trying to always have nice things. Yes, nice things are nice, but I want nice things that last. I'm tired of these temporary and fading things that are so amazing today and by tomorrow are on their way to the dump. When will society realize value again?

I know I sound like an eighty year old man, but there's something about being faced with the shortness of life that makes you realize how fast everything moves. Also, when you start hoping in an everlasting life, it speeds up all the more. When you're living with eternity on your mind, life goes by fast. So, I would like to take this time to implore you all to start seeking after things of real value. Seek things that don't fade as this life fades. Seek time with God. Seek time with family and cherish time with friends. I don't mean this in a depressing way. I just want us to all pull our heads out of our ascots and get back to reality. A genuine person is more interesting than a trendy person, anyways. I would even venture to bet that most trends were started involuntarily by genuine people who weren't seeking to be trendy.

Daddy Diaries: Kicking the Habit

Happy Tuesday, bloggers! I am so excited to finally unveil the very first daddy diary post by my amazing and talented husband, Ben Tennant. He is not only the most attractive man I have ever seen, but he is also the most caring, genuine, strong, manly, and godly man. I hope this post opens your eyes to a perspective that isn't often noted, but fundamentally important. Take it away, babe!

Hello all. I’m glad to be here at Joy Unbundled for my first daddy diary. Appropriately, I’m starting off with a post about remembering who I am.  Hopefully, it will help you guys start to get a feel for who I am.

I guess I will start this story out on Friday. I had had a pretty rough day at work. It wasn’t the kind of rough day where you’re just swamped with a ton of work, but one of those days where it feels like you are the one black sheep in the middle of a flock of white ducks. (Yes, the change of species was on purpose.) Basically, what happened was this: My boss told me that I wasn’t dressing professionally enough for my job. I know, I know. That doesn’t seem like that big of a deal. But, I went through this about 6 months ago and I bought a brand new wardrobe. However, this new wardrobe apparently still wasn’t enough. However, the point is, I sat on that all day long. Then, when I came home, I was finally ready to just relax and love on my wife. However, that’s not the way it was when I got home. 

Amy had finally had too many days of me coming home tired and grumpy from work. So, we had a big, long, and painful conversation where we discussed some of the things we felt like we were lacking. Through the midst of this conversation, I started realizing that the reason I was coming home from work all grumpy and burnt out wasn’t because I had been working eighty hours or working on creating the next hadron collider. However, it was because I was trying to live up to other people’s expectations of me. I wasn’t trying to do the best job I could, I was trying to show my boss and my coworkers that I was doing a good job. I wanted to please them. I started really pondering on this and I realized that it went much deeper than that, though. I wasn’t just doing this at work. I was doing this everywhere in my life, especially with Amy and with church. 

With Amy, I would constantly seek to do things that would make her happy. I didn’t pay attention to how I was feeling. I didn’t take time to tell her that I was upset, or that something was bothering me. I just did what I could to make sure that she was okay. I didn’t trust her to be able to deal with reality. I just glossed over things, suppressed things, and ignored things. This is not something that had been happening for a day or two, or a week. This is something that I have done since we got married. I even went so far as to turn arguments around so that they could be my fault. I believed that if I could take the blame for something, then I was in control. I could fix it at that point. However, I was cheating my wife. Amy couldn’t work on things. The same problems kept happening over and over again because I wasn’t letting her learn from her mistakes. She had no clue they were her mistakes. Plus, the longer it went on, the more the pressure started to mount on me to fix “problems” with me that just didn’t exist. I was doing everything as if she did not have the ability to handle all of this. 

At church, I would serve and strive to make delicious coffee for the people coming through the doors. I would try and make sure that everyone who was helping to set up was happy and in a good mood. I would even occasionally sweep and mop so that the floors looked good. Now, on their own, none of these things are bad, in fact, they’re great. However, I was doing all of them because I knew they should be done. I did them out of arrogance and out of pride that I didn’t think anyone else could do them. I got burnt out. I dreaded going to church. I dreaded having to wake up and go to work again on Sunday morning. Instead of being excited about going to worship my creator, I was worried about whether or not I was going to be able to keep the coffee pots full enough so that everyone who wanted coffee, got coffee. 

Through all three of these scenarios, church, home, and work, I was seeking to please people. The biggest problem with this is that humans are broken beings that understand things are broken. Therefore, they are immensely unsatisfied. Trying to live up to these standards are addictive, destructive, and consuming. I realized that through all of these things, I had forgotten who I was. I had forgotten those things that I used to strive for. I no longer made decisions on me or what I thought was best. I made decisions based on what I thought others thought was best. This made me deaf to God. I was out of touch with my heart and my spirit. My mind had taken the lead. I was confused, apathetic, and distant. I let myself get distracted and busy and neglected taking time to just be me. So, that’s where I’m at now. I’m trying to remember how to be me. I’m trying to start living more and worrying less about how I’m doing every little thing. 

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