38 weeks & feelin' it!

Well we are 6 days away from our c-section and life is crazy! I don't know that I've ever been this excited, nervous, anxious, or worried. I wish I could lie and say that I'm over the moon excited and that I think this is going to be perfect and that everything is going to go smoothly.

I will fully admit that I've spent the past few weeks worried sick that something will go wrong or I won't be a good mom or that our baby won't make it.

Ben and I both dreaded putting the nursery together thinking "what's the point?" when we don't know if he'll be using this nursery or not. I know these are terrible thoughts and that they probably scare some of you, but after you lose a child that you put all of your time, energy, love, and affection toward it can be quite a gloomy vibe to attempt this again and fear you won't have the turnout you had prepared for.

I know that when the time comes and Elwood is born, I will fall madly in love with him. I know that my heart will melt and that I will dream BIG and love passionately and care for him sweetly. But 6 days away from delivery and I'm just not quite there yet. 

Ben and I are just praying like crazy that God would flood over us and that He would smooth out our fears and help us to fully engage. God has been so good to us and when I look back I am absolutely amazed at His grace and how He has tenderly brought us through so much.

But there is still a voice of fear.

I wish I had some perfect ending to this post. A glimmer of hope. A message of peace. But my heart is restless and my mind is a battle field. I know that God is FAITHFUL. I know that He will and has conquered this.

Elwood update & lots of pictures!

Over the past few weeks we have seen God transition our lives. Last week I had my last day at my job and trained the new person and began my life as a stay at home mom. After working hard for the past 6 years in administration, I have found that working at home will be a challenge. I absolutely love working around the house, cleaning, organizing, shopping, cooking... But my days of busy work around the office are on hold for now.

We went to the doctor yesterday for a growth ultrasound to check on Elwood and see how big he is measuring and how far he is developed. Our sweet boy is weighing 6 lbs 7 oz and will be growing roughly a pound a week for the next 3 weeks before we deliver! Woah! We will probably be having ourselves a 9 lb baby! It was so fun to see Elwood on the screen and see his very, very adorable face with big Buzza cheeks.

We are very excited to spend the next 3 weeks preparing and resting before our world gets turned upside down. One comforting thing is that my OB says she doubts I will go into labor early because Elwood's head is already too big to go down and cause labor. It's kind of nice to not have to constantly be "on call" to pick up our things and head to the hospital. We can truly relax and enjoy this time together.

We were honored to have our dear friend Amanda Lipscomb (You can check out her stuff here) take some maternity photos for us! Here's a preview of our shoot!

Also, we finally put the finishing touches on Elwood's nursery! It has been so fun to decorate and nest into his room. Here's some photos of his room!

Yesterday while we were waiting at the doctor a couple went in for their first ultrasound. After just a short couple minutes we heard the tech give this couple the bad news that there was no heartbeat. And immediately we heard sobs of sadness. My heart immediately jumped to the bottom of my stomach and I was crushed for this couple. It wasn't even that it reminded me of my loss, but rather than I hurt so badly for them. Ben and I wanted so badly to go in there and embrace this couple and tell them that it was going to be okay and that God was with them.

I sat in the waiting room sobbing for this couple as I am constantly reminded that loss is all around us. It can be so easily hidden but on days like yesterday, loss is very real. God reminded me that our story has made us tender and that He has designed us to pray and be there for people who have experienced loss. I will be praying for this couple as they start the journey that I know so well and pray that they would know God and experience His love, comfort, and peace.

We are anticipating these next few weeks as we welcome our next son into this world and get the opportunity to raise this child.

A new chapter

Last week marked my journey into the final trimester of my pregnancy. I'm getting a little antsy to say the least and I can't believe it's gone by this quickly.

So what does this trimester look like? Well... lots of working, planning, decorating, and organizing.

Funny thing about this final trimester is that it's a busy season with holidays and birthdays and lots to do. But have I even started preparing for this baby? Umm... sadly, no. We haven't even touched the nursery yet but I'm confident that it will all come together in the next 10 weeks before this baby arrives.

So much to think about and plan and prepare. We are so excited to paint Elwood's walls and put together his crib and his furniture and buy fun art and put away all those precious baby clothes but somehow I still haven't found the motivation.

We did pick Elwood's official birthday (unless he chooses to surprise us, which I'm praying against!) which will be March 14! Elwood will share his birthday with my brother-in-law, Lynn, who couldn't be a more perfect person to share it with.

Some of biggest must-haves for the 3rd trimester are the following:

-a good body pillow for sleeping. Support at night is very important to prevent cramping, soreness, and general discomfort.

-Sleep! Sleeping as much as you can is essential for your body and your mind. Sleep is hard to come by in the 3rd trimester, so soak up anything you can get.

-Tums. Heartburn can be one of the most annoying, painful and uncomfortable things. Bending over can give you heartburn and so can a PB & J. Keeping an antacid around can really ease this.

-Date nights. After baby arrives, dates will be much harder to plan for. You may not be ready to leave your baby and even if you are ready, finding a sitter that you can trust may be difficult. Relish in the time you have with your husband.

-Nesting. Take some time to dedicate to your baby's room and your house. Do extra cleaning projects, paint the walls, do all the baby laundry. It will fulfill the nesting bug and make your life easier when baby arrives.

-Shop! Buy new things for your baby. Even if it isn't your first, finding special things for a new child is important and will help you bond to your baby.

-Seek the Lord like crazy!!! A baby is a huge change and a big commitment and the Lord has some things He'd like to tell you. He wants to lavish you with love and confidence and sow in good parenting skills. He is the greatest guide you can have.

-Listen to your momma instincts. There will be so many people that throw their two cents into the way you do EVERYTHING -- from your pregnancy to the crib you buy to the books you read to the hospital stay... and etc, etc, etc. Consider their opinion but pray and seek God and follow those momma instincts that the Lord gave you.

-And don't forget to breathe. Take time to relax and do things for yourself. Take long baths, get a pedicure, read a book that's been sitting on your shelf for months. Don't forget to slow down and take time to relax while it's still available.

Ben and I are anxiously awaiting the moment we get to meet and hold this sweet baby boy. Lots to do before the day, but we can't wait!

Boy, oh boy!

Well it's been a very fun and exciting week! We are so proud to announce that we found out we are having a sweet BOY!!!!

Introducing... Mr. John Elwood Tennant! 

Little Elwood was doing some pretty amazing acrobatic moves during the ultrasound! He is looking strong, healthy, and getting bigger by the hour!

It's so funny because as adults we don't really think about all the little parts that make up our very complex bodies. As I looked at our baby I was totally overwhelmed by God's amazing creation. I couldn't believe all the tiny little bones that make up his body and all of his organs and his brain activity and seeing his heart beating. I guess it didn't hit me as hard when I was pregnant with Aiden, but I just fell in love with my Creator as I watched my baby move around.

Every day I am sweetly reminded of how powerful and wonderful our God is. Babies are these miracles that remind us how incredible His creation is. I am very anxiously anticipating the birth of our next son. I cannot wait to hold, kiss, and take care of this bundle of joy.

Tomorrow is a big day for the Tennants! We are officially closing on our very first home together. We are so excited to settle into a new house. My nesting bug is in full force and I am so thankful I have a place to nest in and work on for the next few months.

It's a great season for us and we are so thankful for everything that's happening. We'll keep you updated as things move along!

A glimpse of the future...

Yesterday little baby #2 made its debut and it couldn't have come at a better time.

It's the little things in life that give us hope, joy, and peace. God awakens us the most amazingly small things.

While drinking coffee (which probably helped!) yesterday I felt my sweet baby's first kicks :) I'm so thankful that God gave me such a gift during the week I probably needed it most.

On a completely random side note, my nesting niche is in full force. Two weeks until we close on our house and I am dying to start painting and redecorating! If you find any cool ideas, please send them my way!

How to raise a baby

Over the past 2 weeks I have been reading nonstop about pregnancy and babies and breastfeeding and raising toddlers. I read a lot when I was pregnant with Aiden but I would just skim books and not really read them because I felt so prepared and that I was going to be this perfect mother.

This time around I am realizing that there is no such thing as a perfect mother and that you can never be prepared enough for the day your little one arrives. Even if you have read it feels like the day it actually comes you have totally forgotten everything you learned because you feel so overwhelmed and tired. It's hard to remember the facts in the heat of the moment.

At our next appointment we are going to find out if it's a boy or a girl. And I'll just say it... I'm kind of a scared of either! We don't have a preference and of course we are going to be thrilled with either! It's so hard to day dream and think about what this baby will look like or act like.

I feel so big already! Even though the scale doesn't reflect the way I look (not a single pound gained yet!) I still feel so unhealthy.

I know I need to be exercising more and eating healthier meals, but I'm still in survival mode! If you had advice for a healthy pregnancy, please pass them my way! I'm not ready to become a vegan or join a gym or cut out processed foods because let's just face it... they taste good! And when your sweet baby is making you the pickiest eater, I will take anything that makes me feel full and satisfied.

I'm looking forward to our move so I can go back through all our baby stuff to figure out what we need and remind myself of what we have. A lot of people have asked me if we are going to reuse Aiden's things and we definitely are! We picked out those things with love and affection and wouldn't give them up :)

Speaking of Aiden... next week is his first birthday and our first anniversary of his passing. I do not look forward to next week because I know it's just going to be hard. We really aren't even sure how to celebrate/remember on those days or how to handle it. We obviously haven't done this before. I know that this will probably be the hardest one. So many of my friends and acquaintances were pregnant at the same time last year and it's weird to see 1st birthday party pictures and hear about all the plans when I wish I were planning his first party.

It's going to be an emotional week. Please continue to pray that Ben and I will find a way to handle this and be honest with ourselves to grieve and hurt, but to rejoice in the Lord always.

After the chaos

Well, hello all!

It's been a couple weeks since I've last caught up here and I can already tell you that this is going to be long one! Stick with me, friends :)

In my last post, I got to tell you about a dear friend of mine that saw Jesus for the first time. I am STILL in awe of this and I still get chills just thinking about the work that the Lord is doing!

My first big announcement is that after 5 years of work with Rising Above Ministries, I am resigning from my position. After months and months of prayer God finally gave me and Ben the confirmation we needed to resign. I adore this ministry and have loved every minute I get to spend with the leaders and families that have children with special needs. It has been a long road that has blessed me so much, but it is time for Ben and I to live our story. (As sweet Becky, one of the directors, said to me)

I will now be spending more time volunteering with Banebow. I am so thrilled to be able to give time to a ministry that changed our lives. I don't mean altered or influenced... I mean changed. When the hard days happen, they understand like no one else can. I am so thankful for the friendship we have been blessed with through Banebow and we are excited to serve alongside them. It's time for us to live our story of infant loss with other families who are going through this.

And let me put a disclaimer out there... This will not be easy. But the work of the Lord is rarely easy. The key factor is that Jesus was not a victim, He was a volunteer.


Two weeks ago I got to go and speak for a women's conference. It was my first time speaking without Ben and I was terrified. But of course, God totally followed through and gave me words to say. I was so blessed by these amazing women. Plus, we got to go to the lake!! The conference was held in a building right on the lake with a beautiful view and a pool! Not a hard day at all :)

Last week Ben and I went on our honeymoon/babymoon to Charleston, SC. It was our very first trip alone together! We never went on a honeymoon so we finally got some money together to get out of town for a few days. We had the best time getting to know Charleston. We slept a ton, ate wonderful food, walked miles upon miles, got massages, and simply did nothing. It was bliss :)

I'm so grateful that we got to get away and spend some much needed R&R time with each other!

Have I mentioned that baby #2 has finally made its debut? Our life has been so crazy lately that sometimes I forget I'm pregnant. I'm trying to dedicate more time to reading and preparing for this baby. I feel like it's speeding by and super slow all at the same time. I think I would answer differently depending on the day.

With Aiden's one year birthday & death day approaching, we are trying to figure out how to spend those days. It's so hard because it's not like we've had to do this before and we really don't know what we want or need.

One thing we are doing is throwing a benefit concert in celebration of Aiden's life and all the proceeds are being donated to Banebow! We have some amazing musicians that are donating their time and talent to this event and we are so excited to celebrate! So spread the word that this concert will not only be awesome but it's for a great cause!