I don't know what's happened to me over the past few years, but I've become that notoriously late person. That's not always how it's been, though. I was a band kid. I had the philosophy of "If you're not early, you're late." I don't know what has happened. Although I haven't technically been late to work, I haven't been able to consistently get in before 8:10 in like 2 months. It's not that I've just got too much to do, but it's just hard to get out of the house.
When I think about why I'm late, it's really a mixture of things. I mean, it's partly the fact that I hate leaving Amy at home and that I don't wake up quite as early as I would like. However, the biggest thing is that I've been feeling so tired lately. I just don't feel like waking up sometimes. I never feel like I've gotten enough sleep, even though I get between 7 and 8 hours a night. I think it's just the aftermath of a few weeks without a break. Amy and I have had a lot going on in the past several weeks. Not that it was bad stuff by any means, but we just haven't had a lot of down time. However, I don't think that's the main reason.
I believe it's been more of the fact that during this time of extra stress, instead of spending extra time in peaceful meditation and prayer, I've been seeking stress relief through online games, movies, and pretty much anything that distracts me. I've just been so plugged in to the world lately and I haven't taken time to unwind and seek out God. I don't say that as if I gain righteousness from spending time in prayer, but I do believe that the word of God is bread for our souls. I believe that without spending time praying and meditating on the truths of God, we can't live a full and healthy lives.
It's not only our bread, but it's our armor, too (Ephesians 6:13-18). When we're not taking time to sit in God's presence, we're leaving ourselves both weak and vulnerable, open to any attack. For me, during these stressful times, Satan really drives the dagger into my side when it comes to self-pity. When I'm feeling tired and stressed, it's so easy to go there. What's worse, the self pity is like a bleeding wound. The longer I hold onto it, the more tired and stressed I become. This opens me up to worry and various other non-fruitful tendencies.
So, what do I do to combat it? Relax. I take some time to be quiet and remember my freedom in Christ. I take time to bask in his truth. For instance, one night last week, I was having a pretty rough night until I simply brewed a cup of tea and spent the better part of the evening sitting on the front porch without music, tv, games, or internet. I listened to the sound of the birds. I soaked in the praises that creation was lifting up to God around me. I joined in in my heart. It was glorious.
I think this is the hardest part when we fall into these times of attack. We find ourselves trying to grow close to God by doing things. Though disciplines are a good way to maintain a healthy life, we have to remember that we're on the vine system. He is the vine and we are the branches. We produce fruit by being attached to Him. It doesn't work in reverse. We don't get attached to him by producing fruit. So, all we have to "do," is just take a step back, and enjoy Him and all that He has done for us. When we start to really remember that we are his children and find our identity in him, then the Spirit will start to move and stir within us and produce the works. That is when we will start to desire to seek out His words and will in our life.
Anyways, that's enough random rambling for tonight. Hope you all have a wonderful week and I will see you next month!
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