Thursday, October 27

Boy, oh boy!

Well it's been a very fun and exciting week! We are so proud to announce that we found out we are having a sweet BOY!!!!

Introducing... Mr. John Elwood Tennant! 

Little Elwood was doing some pretty amazing acrobatic moves during the ultrasound! He is looking strong, healthy, and getting bigger by the hour!

It's so funny because as adults we don't really think about all the little parts that make up our very complex bodies. As I looked at our baby I was totally overwhelmed by God's amazing creation. I couldn't believe all the tiny little bones that make up his body and all of his organs and his brain activity and seeing his heart beating. I guess it didn't hit me as hard when I was pregnant with Aiden, but I just fell in love with my Creator as I watched my baby move around.

Every day I am sweetly reminded of how powerful and wonderful our God is. Babies are these miracles that remind us how incredible His creation is. I am very anxiously anticipating the birth of our next son. I cannot wait to hold, kiss, and take care of this bundle of joy.

Tomorrow is a big day for the Tennants! We are officially closing on our very first home together. We are so excited to settle into a new house. My nesting bug is in full force and I am so thankful I have a place to nest in and work on for the next few months.

It's a great season for us and we are so thankful for everything that's happening. We'll keep you updated as things move along!

Monday, October 17

The Father's love

Wow! The would be the word to describe the past week. Wow...

We've had some major milestones in the last week. We celebrated Aiden's 1st birthday, we remembered the last year without Aiden, and we rejoiced with dear friends and family with music to raise money for Banebow.

Aiden's Audience (our benefit concert) was beyond amazing. I looked around the room last night and just couldn't wrap my mind around the Father's love for us. The sermon at church earlier that morning was on the Father's love and I took some notes for my sister who couldn't be there and I didn't really think about what Jim was saying but wrote down some things to pass on.

I wasn't realizing that God was taking that morning to speak love over me.

I know so often I write in my blog about not noticing God right away or having to learn some lessons the hard way.

Truth be told, I am quite hard headed. God has brought me through a lot in the last year and you'd think I'd be more open and seeking after the Spirit but I'm still this little child that pushes away from Dad all too often.

I desire so badly to experience intimacy with Jesus and to drive whole-heartedly into His presence but I let myself get in the way and I don't communicate.

In Luke 15 Jesus tells a parable of the prodigal son. The younger son demands his inheritance early, so the father splits it between the oldest and younger sons. The younger son goes and spends everything he has received and squanders this gift that his dad had given him even though he didn't deserve it. He then returns to his dad and says he'll work as a servant because he had nothing left.

Not only does his father bring him back into his household, but he throws a celebration of his return! He throws a huge party and celebrates his son.

Oh how I desire to return to my Father & be welcomed home. I know that I haven't abandoned God or left completely, but my attention has been about a million other places rather than on the one person who really matters.

Our Father is patient.
{The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. -2 Peter 3:9}

Our Father lavishes forgiveness.
{In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding. -Ephesians 1:7-8}

Our Father is intimate.
{Before they call I will answer; while they are still speaking I will hear. -Isaiah 65:24}

Our Father shows unconditional love.
{The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners -- of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life. -1 Timothy 1:15-17}

Yet, O Lord, you are our Father.
We are the clay, you are the potter;
we are all the work of your hand.
                                           -Isaiah 64:8

Do you know who your Father is? I'm seeking Him out and desiring to know my Father more deeply than ever.

Thursday, October 13

Grief of a different kind

Grief is a journey. Today marks a big milestone in our path -- One year since we had to say goodbye. So grateful for our mighty God, but still stricken with pain. Today we grieve.

Wednesday, October 12

A glimpse of the future...

Yesterday little baby #2 made its debut and it couldn't have come at a better time.

It's the little things in life that give us hope, joy, and peace. God awakens us the most amazingly small things.

While drinking coffee (which probably helped!) yesterday I felt my sweet baby's first kicks :) I'm so thankful that God gave me such a gift during the week I probably needed it most.

On a completely random side note, my nesting niche is in full force. Two weeks until we close on our house and I am dying to start painting and redecorating! If you find any cool ideas, please send them my way!

Tuesday, October 11

Happy Birthday, Aiden.

Yesterday marked one year since I welcomed my sweet baby boy into this world.

After 40 very long hours of labor and an intensive c-section, I finally got to hold my baby and meet him for the first time. I will never forget when I heard him cry and Ben and I teared up and I got to see his screaming, new face.

The first moments I had with Aiden are unforgettable. After months and being 11 days overdue, I was more than ready to meet him. It's amazing how different babies are when they are born late because he was so alert and just waiting to listen and soak in the tones of our voices and to spend hours staring at us.

It was such an long awaited introduction.

Yesterday was a bittersweet day filled with many tears and few smiles but we are finding ways to remember and celebrate our son. We never thought that we wouldn't be able to give Aiden his first birthday party. And never did we dream that we wouldn't be singing to him.

Last night we baked Aiden's birthday cake and took time to remember him. I think it may be our tradition :)

But we got to celebrate that Aiden has been singing to Jesus for a whole year. We are so envious of him because he has the perfect party. He has a party that never, ever ends. And never has tears. And doesn't have pain.

I don't have a whole lot to say because we are still grieving and grief can leave you breathless.

We are continuing to take time to remember Aiden and to spend time together. This life is so short and I am not going to waste it without my husband by my side.

So until next year... Keep singing, Aiden. We love you SO much.

Tuesday, October 4

How to raise a baby

Over the past 2 weeks I have been reading nonstop about pregnancy and babies and breastfeeding and raising toddlers. I read a lot when I was pregnant with Aiden but I would just skim books and not really read them because I felt so prepared and that I was going to be this perfect mother.

This time around I am realizing that there is no such thing as a perfect mother and that you can never be prepared enough for the day your little one arrives. Even if you have read it feels like the day it actually comes you have totally forgotten everything you learned because you feel so overwhelmed and tired. It's hard to remember the facts in the heat of the moment.

At our next appointment we are going to find out if it's a boy or a girl. And I'll just say it... I'm kind of a scared of either! We don't have a preference and of course we are going to be thrilled with either! It's so hard to day dream and think about what this baby will look like or act like.

I feel so big already! Even though the scale doesn't reflect the way I look (not a single pound gained yet!) I still feel so unhealthy.

I know I need to be exercising more and eating healthier meals, but I'm still in survival mode! If you had advice for a healthy pregnancy, please pass them my way! I'm not ready to become a vegan or join a gym or cut out processed foods because let's just face it... they taste good! And when your sweet baby is making you the pickiest eater, I will take anything that makes me feel full and satisfied.

I'm looking forward to our move so I can go back through all our baby stuff to figure out what we need and remind myself of what we have. A lot of people have asked me if we are going to reuse Aiden's things and we definitely are! We picked out those things with love and affection and wouldn't give them up :)

Speaking of Aiden... next week is his first birthday and our first anniversary of his passing. I do not look forward to next week because I know it's just going to be hard. We really aren't even sure how to celebrate/remember on those days or how to handle it. We obviously haven't done this before. I know that this will probably be the hardest one. So many of my friends and acquaintances were pregnant at the same time last year and it's weird to see 1st birthday party pictures and hear about all the plans when I wish I were planning his first party.

It's going to be an emotional week. Please continue to pray that Ben and I will find a way to handle this and be honest with ourselves to grieve and hurt, but to rejoice in the Lord always.