Saturday, July 28

Running Wild

The past few weeks are one big blur.

I feel like absolutely nothing of substance has happened but that things have dramatically changed all at the same time. No earthly events have shattered apart and my days haven't shifted but things are different.

Emotions, my journey with the Lord, and my mind have all changed directions and a new season has begun.

I've gone through a lot of growth over the last couple years. First I went through a big change when I got married. Then I had a baby and lost a baby. That will definitely change you. Then I went through an emotionally hard pregnancy. And now I'm a "new" (but not new) mom and life is completely different. I'm no longer working (after 8 years) and yet I'm still pretty busy.

I've found myself to be strangely lonely. With my schedule being dictated by nap and bed times, feedings, and a tight budget I haven't been able to keep up with friends or go out and do things. I've been forced to hunker down at the house and truly be at home.

My idle hands (well, at least during nap time...) have given me a run for my money.

I'm so looking forward to the fall when I'm adding a couple things to my schedule and I'll be out of the house more often hopefully. 

I know that most moms will say that it gets easier when they get bigger and you are more accustomed to having children and learning how to get out. But the older Elwood gets the more I realize how much he needs his mommy and that I'm terrified to leave him.

This is a learning process and letting go of control and fear are definitely obstacles I'm going to try to overcome.

Elwood has been struggling with separation anxiety to the max and it of course hurts me just as much as it hurts him. I was reading and talking with our pediatrician and babies at this age don't understand that when you leave a room - you are simply disappearing to your baby. They don't know if/when you're going to come back. Ouch! It hurts my heart to even think about what goes through his mind when I leave the room or put him down at bedtime.

So for now the best thing I can do as his mommy is to limit time with "strangers", get him good rest with naps, and ride out this phase.

In the meantime I'm enjoying investing in our home, my marriage, my son, and my journey with the Lord. God is definitely trying my patience and teaching me grace through all of this. I'm so grateful for a God who prepares us for things in the future. I know that one day I will look back at this time and thank God for teaching me now and that I am more prepared for whatever comes along.

Parenting is one of the most selfless blessings.

It requires you to fully clothe yourself in His righteousness and His armor to be able to parent well. On my own accord I would be an awful parent. In my flesh sometimes I just want "me" time away from everyone and everything. But my spirit wills me to gently love my child effortlessly.

Oh, how the Creator loves us. He has shown me His humility and His kindness over the last few weeks more than I have ever experienced. I am so thankful.

Until next time...


  1. You are doing great and you are a great mama! I totally understand about being home so much- I'm in the same boat. Love to you, sweet mama!

  2. Thanks, Mandy! We need to get together soon :) Us mamas gotta stick together!