Tuesday, October 4

How to raise a baby

Over the past 2 weeks I have been reading nonstop about pregnancy and babies and breastfeeding and raising toddlers. I read a lot when I was pregnant with Aiden but I would just skim books and not really read them because I felt so prepared and that I was going to be this perfect mother.

This time around I am realizing that there is no such thing as a perfect mother and that you can never be prepared enough for the day your little one arrives. Even if you have read it feels like the day it actually comes you have totally forgotten everything you learned because you feel so overwhelmed and tired. It's hard to remember the facts in the heat of the moment.

At our next appointment we are going to find out if it's a boy or a girl. And I'll just say it... I'm kind of a scared of either! We don't have a preference and of course we are going to be thrilled with either! It's so hard to day dream and think about what this baby will look like or act like.

I feel so big already! Even though the scale doesn't reflect the way I look (not a single pound gained yet!) I still feel so unhealthy.

I know I need to be exercising more and eating healthier meals, but I'm still in survival mode! If you had advice for a healthy pregnancy, please pass them my way! I'm not ready to become a vegan or join a gym or cut out processed foods because let's just face it... they taste good! And when your sweet baby is making you the pickiest eater, I will take anything that makes me feel full and satisfied.

I'm looking forward to our move so I can go back through all our baby stuff to figure out what we need and remind myself of what we have. A lot of people have asked me if we are going to reuse Aiden's things and we definitely are! We picked out those things with love and affection and wouldn't give them up :)

Speaking of Aiden... next week is his first birthday and our first anniversary of his passing. I do not look forward to next week because I know it's just going to be hard. We really aren't even sure how to celebrate/remember on those days or how to handle it. We obviously haven't done this before. I know that this will probably be the hardest one. So many of my friends and acquaintances were pregnant at the same time last year and it's weird to see 1st birthday party pictures and hear about all the plans when I wish I were planning his first party.

It's going to be an emotional week. Please continue to pray that Ben and I will find a way to handle this and be honest with ourselves to grieve and hurt, but to rejoice in the Lord always.

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